Barrett Brief Movie Review – Thor: Lovesick Puppy

Barrett Brief Movie Review – Thor: Lovesick Puppy  (1 out of 4)

Summary: Thor enlists the help of Valkyrie, Korg and ex-girlfriend Jane Foster to fight Gorr the God Butcher, who intends to make the gods extinct.

Genre:  Action, Adventure, Comedy

Thor is the last of the original triumvirate of Marvel. He has had the most movies (this being his 4th solo film in addition to any other film). He has gone from Shakespearian to slap-stick. From the rightful ruler of Asgard to a guy hitching a ride across the galaxy. Yet he comes back to the same question, one that hasn’t been answered over the course of his films. Who is Thor? What does he want? Well that question isn’t answered in Thor: Love And Thunder because this movie focuses on a different Thor. That’s correct ,this movie is Jane Foster’s (Natalie Portman) who overshadows OG Thor (Chris Hemsworth), who spends the entire movie as a lovestruck puppy chasing her around and constantly validating how special and brave she is. Coming along for the ride are the LGBTMAP “representation” in King Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) & Krog (voiced by director Taika Waititi). That’s right, Thor: Love And Thunder uses a character everyone enjoys to embarrass white men and promote THE MESSAGE. 

It Is A Thor Movie, Just Not The One You Were Promised 

There are two Thor’s in this film (it is confusing, I get it). The original Thor, who is wandering the galaxy fighting with the Guardians Of The Galaxy still sad over the loss of his relationship with Jane Foster. Then there is Jane Foster, who makes her first appearance in the MCU since 2013’s Thor: The Dark World. BTW she has stage 4 cancer, and for the sake of the plot she decides to go to New Asgard and check in on Mjölnir, OG Thor’s hammer that was destroyed in 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok. Next thing you know, she is flying around and shooting lightning. Why? Because when OG Thor was dating Jane, he tells the hammer to “always protect her” (we see all this in a flashback) and this apparently all it takes for you to be endowed with the hammer of a Norse God.  The Mighty Thor (because she refuses to be called Lady Thor…as if!) has the closest thing to an arc in this film. She is sick and desperate, she inherits great power (without having to earn it) and makes the ultimate sacrifice (more on that in a bit). OG Thor may get more screen time technically, but Jane gets all the heavy scenes and drives the plot, because she is dealing a major conflict. 

The problem with being “The Mighty Thor” is that every time Jane transforms, the hammer drains the life out of her. So while she gets the powers of Might Thor, every time she picks it up, the closer to dying she gets. This leads to her making the ultimate sacrifice to literally save the universe, and I am sure that OG Thor will be reminded of it in any future movies he appears in. 

Oh yeah, OG Thor. Well, even after almost a decade, he still cannot forget about Jane. He hasn’t progressed at all since Thor: The Dark World. Guess what? At the end of this movie, he still has no agency, now he has to bend to the wishes of someone else. He has not grown, he has not matured, he is just..Thor. There isn’t much to write about because despite and the visual effects and Guns & Roses soundtrack, he doesn’t do much really. 

Oh and Gorr (Christian Bale) is another Marvel villain, one movie and one movie only. 

Disney At It Groomer Finest

The other major thing that this film wants you to understand is EVERYTHING IS GAY! “King” Valkyrie spends the entire movie horny for women, that’s it. Meanwhile did you know that Corg is a homosexual and in order to have kids he has to hold hands with another man (which we see a glimpse of at the end) in order to produce children? Yup that is a thing now in the MCU. Natalie Portman bragged that Thor: Love And Thunder was the ‘gayest’ Marvel film yet and she was right about that. If you have any values what-so-ever, this movie is a pass. 

 The Cast

Chris Hemsworth is a likable guy. He is charming and has played this role so many times he can do it convincingly in his sleep. Unfortunately he spends the entire movie telling Natalie Portman how amazing and stunning she is. Natalie Portman is not likable and even with all the Hollywood magic (the CGI arms and all) behind her, it is still a tough sell. Tessa Thompson continues her streak of have the exact same look on her face in ever scene she is in. Christian Bale struts around in bad makeup and says bad guy stuff. Russell Crowe shows up as Zeus, and he talks about orgies, a lot. But he mostly hams it up and is gone pretty quick. The Guardians of The Galaxy show up in the beginning (and it is official, their charm is worn off) and then they are gone. At this point most people agree to be in a Marvel movie for the paycheck, and nothing more. 

Highs & Lows

Highs: None

Lows: No character development for Thor, the pushing of THE MESSAGE. 

Overall

Thor: Love And Thunder uses a character everyone enjoys to embarrass white men and promote THE MESSAGE. 

Score:

1 out of 4 

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