Barrett Brief Movie Review – Snake Eyes Comes Up Short

Barrett Brief Movie Review – Snake Eyes Comes Up Short

Summary: A G.I. Joe spin-off centered around the character of Snake Eyes.

Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy

Oh intellectual properties. The “lifeblood” of modern cinema. The film industry was hard up for ideas before the Wuhan19 CovidSuperbug showed up, but in its aftermath it will only make the pool from which to draw new films even more shallow. Snake Eyes is unfortunately the future of modern cinema. A soul less cash grab that lacks anything other than bad action sequences, a confusing razor thin plot (yup, you read that right) and extra “muh diversity” points for the shills of main stream publication, telling you its better than it really is. Despite some good pieces in place and the backing of the studio, Snake Eyes comes up short in rebooting the intellectual property that Paramount is so desperate to get off the ground.

A Backstory Emphasizing Snakes

I am not one who is a purist when it comes to my childhood nostalgia. If you hit the right beats I am pretty forgiving in that regard (I enjoyed the first couple of Transformer movies, for example). So I am not joining up with the crowd that is saying “THIS IS AN ABOMINATION TO THE CHARACTER OF SNAKE EYES!” Whatever, if you make a compelling film, I’m good. So the fact that I am writing this review in the negative tells you how awful it truly is. This film over and over again has to tell it’s audience what is going on, which is fine in a radio production, but not one with moving pictures. Also, this film really wanted you to know that this character was rooted in its name. We were not even 5 minutes into the film and it’s namesake was introduced. When I saw how quick they wanted to get the name snake eyes into the film, I was troubled. Comic-book movies have this problem because they have to justify the name of the character (if you saw the Thomas Jane led Punisher, you get what I’m saying). The good ones, Iron Man, Batman Begins and even Man Of Steel let their characters grow and develop.  Snake Eyes does not, it’s constantly reinforcing SNAKES, SNAKES, LOOK MORE SNAKES! The main character is called 2 different variations (Snake & Snake Eyes) throughout the film. It’s boring and we all know the title of the film, so we know his name, so try being creative in the way the name comes to fruition.

 The Cast

Henry Golding (Snake Eyes) is fine as a leading man. He has the presence to carry a film and fine. He hit the beats of this paper thin script and if he was given better material and direction, would have been a major breakout for him. Sadly the lines he is forced to read make him appear wooden and the performance is forgettable. Andrew Koji (Tommy / Storm Shadow) puts everything he has into his role and is the most engaged character in this film. Always appreciated. Haruka Abe (Akiko) is included in the movie for reasons. Her relationship with Snake Eyes is forced, boring and unnecessary. Takehiro Hira (Kenta) is trying to be a bad guy, filling up the scenes with what felt like a Ken Watanabe impression. In fact I thought it was Ken at first. Úrsula Corberó (Baroness) & Samara Weaving (Scarlett) show up to lay the groundwork with the G.I. Joe Cinematic Universe, which honestly just added time to an already bloated film. Corbero looks and acts a cosplay dominatrix and Weaving is wasted saying the typical GI Joe one-liners. I guess I am suppose to mention muh diversity, but I have seen films with diverse cast before in big budget movies. So color, nationality and genders emphasis are meaningless to me if it distracts from the story.

Plot & Pacing

Plot? What plot do you speak of? We have a by the numbers “revenge” story that has been done many more times, except now we have ninjas (but not as cool as it sounds). Because this is an “origin” story, it has to play out a certain way, which leaves no room for an dramatic beats, just what needs to be established for the “plot” to move forward.

Technical notes

Way, Way, WAAAAAAY too much shaky cam. I thought we were done with this technique. Whenever I see this in a movie, I think that the director doesn’t trust the sequence so he has to spice it up with this “realism” or this is a cheap film and this is a way to hide some of the flaws. They went with a smaller budget on this film, $88 million (compared to $175 for the first Joe film), which doesn’t automatically mean it has to look “cheap”.  Movies to have to have huge budgets to look and feel bigger than they are. The John Wick franchise has been running on budgets well below $100 million. Lots of quick cuts during the fight scenes and a lot of the action taking place at night (again to cover up the blemishes).

Overall

Snake Eyes wants to be a ninja fantasy movie to reignite the GI Joe franchise. But a paper thin plot, bad directional decisions and an overall dull tone leaves us all feeling like we all rolled snake eyes.

Score:

0 out of 4 briefcases